Critter

So much has been going on, and I must admit that I have been avoiding writing on here a bit... It's hard when I don't have pictures to share, and when the details of life seem so overwhelming.

To begin, I'm pregnant. We haven't yet shared this with a lot of people... I'm currently 11 weeks along, with my due date being October 27th. Scott and I are very excited about what all of this means, and it has brought a lot of change to our household.

For example, there are some new opportunities coming our way that will enable us to move to Maryland. I am very much looking forward to this, but dreading it all at the same time. We have a home here, and as much as I get frustrated with all of the work that needs to be put into this old house, I can't imagine life anywhere else. I also am not prepared to face the horror of trying to finish and then sell this place. So much to do, and there may not be a lot of time to do it.

That's the other issue... time. We don't know when we will be moving. We've been currently given the timeline of anywhere from two to six months, maybe longer. That makes things very uncertain for us, and with the baby coming, I don't need all of this uncertainty in my life. I want something definite. I want specific dates, so I can plan and adjust as needed. Right now I feel so in the dark.

If you haven't noticed, I've been having some trouble staying optimistic lately. I've been asking, "Why?" a lot, and I've been using my wonderful 20/20 hindsight to find all of the things we should have done differently. I know that this has been rough on Scott (and me too), and I've been dealing with some issues of guilt and regret...

I just wish there was some insurance out there that would guarantee that during times of big change, if you don't like it, you can take everything back to the way it used to be. The only shining light that I have out of all of this is "Critter", which is the loving nickname that Scott has dubbed our child with. Everyday I remember that I have something truly special with me, that I am so excited to bring into this world... I just wish I could hold him or her in, where it's safe and cozy, until I knew that everything was settled out here. But I guess that isn't how life works, and so we will have to make due with whatever comes our way.

I also have a wonderful husband, who stands by me when I cry, and who lets me know that even though he knew I could be a bit of a basket case, he still loves me, and he still married me. Isn't that sweet? I think so. It relieves some of the guilt I feel for being a little insane... he knew what he was getting himself into, right?

So there is just a little of what is going on, and hopefully with time, I will start to feel more comfortable with all of this crazy change that is happening.