Almost there... just two more days until Masen's due date. He hasn't made any indications of wanting to come out just yet, but that's okay... we're doing just fine as we are for right now. He can be a little late. After all, there is still so much more that I would like to get accomplished before he arrives. I have a feeling a majority of it just isn't going to happen, but the longer he stays inside, the more chance I have!
I am excited though to meet him, and I am looking forward to finally getting this whole motherhood thing started, so I can start to leave behind all the "what ifs." I've been feeling a bit uncertain about what is going to happen following his birth. I know that everyone is going to want to come and visit, and they are going to want to hold and cuddle the baby, but all I can think about is flu season, and whooping cough (did you know it's coming back?), and just all the germs and sickness that seem to be so prevalent during the fall and winter months.
How am I suppose to sit there and watch as my baby is held by the sickened masses? Okay, I know that is an exaggeration, but it's still a concern. It's my right as a new mother to say "no", right? And I have the freedom to let people know that I am tired, or that the baby is tired, and that it is time for them to just go... right?
Great, I'm going to be "that mother." The one that hordes her child away, and freaks out about everything... but Masen is my first, and I've been carrying him, and providing for him, and protecting him for these last few months, and now all of a sudden he is going to be on the outside... with everyone else.
And let's also look at the fact that this is going to be an important time of bonding for him and I. This is going to be our time to see and interact with each other, and for us to grow and learn about each other. Now all of sudden there are all of these other people being thrown into the mix. I feel like the only person I really am going to want around is Scott, because of course I want him to bond with Masen just as much. But what do you do with all of these other people??
Can we have a babymoon? Just Scott, Masen, and I?
Have I mentioned before that I have a bit of social anxiety? Scott is the outgoing, super flexible one, and I am the quiet, I need to warm up to you, rigid one. We make for a good team in most cases, but bring people into my safe zone (i.e. the house), and I start to get a little on edge...
Again... I'm that crazy mother, aren't I?
I am hoping all will go well. We have respectful friends and family, and I have heard from them all that they fully understand that this is a hard time for new parents (especially new mothers), and that they understand we are going to need our space early on, so really I should have no need to worry. We'll have wonderful visitors, who will bring us their friendship and love, and who will be nice to me, even as I have a small panic attack right in front of them in the living room...
Well, hopefully that won't happen, but you get my point. I'm just a little nervous, and I'm torn between wanting Masen to stay safe and sound where he is, or getting things started, so I can realize it isn't going to be as bad as I keep imagining it to be. And who I am kidding? His arrival can only be delayed but for so long. I can't keep him in there forever, so it's time to just suck it up, and be ready.
I'm ready.
Just be nice, okay?
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